Humility

Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart

Matthew 11:29                                                                             

 Leseur's third month resolution, humility, is, she says, one of the foundation pillars of the spiritual life. She holds up Jesus as the exemplar of the virtue. He who is greatest is the most humble. That presents a paradox that challenges us. We are incapable of mastering it; only the Holy Spirit acting in us can manage it. Perhaps that is the greatest humility.

Reading chapters from the Imitation of Christ as Leseur recommends daily just reinforces her focus on humility.  I've begun to think that virtue is not only the key to sanctity but the key to a long and happy marriage. I think she would agree.

Control and power sharing swirl around marriage and the temptation to turn the relationship into a tit for tat arrangement in which all activities, tasks, and opinions must be divided "fairly" is a trap. The very challenge presents an opportunity to learn and grow.

It seems to me there are two ways an individual can practice humility in marriage. The first is the more obvious. It involves silence, biting your tongue when offended, and submission to the other. It is contrary to our modern views on the necessity of "fulfillment" for each individual on the surface of it. Done freely, however, this kind of behavior is healthy. The one choosing silence or choosing submission is in control of his or her own decision to give freely out of love and without rancor. Done by force either from the other, out of passive aggressive spite, or from some misguided sense of obligation, it can become an ugly, cold thing. Only love protects you from that. Nor is submission a gender obligation. Beloved once told our prayer group he had no less obligation for submission in marriage than I did. As we've gotten older, the value of submission is clearer to me every day.

The other way of humility, however, is assertive. To say without anger or aggression, "you hurt me when you did that" takes great humility. Such an act puts the importance of the relationship, the love between the couple, at the center. Such an act requires that you put aside fear of rejection or conflict and even control over the ultimate outcome in order to say "we must fix this for both our sake." Such a conversation must not be confused with bickering, arguing, or attacking. It is the tougher form of humility.

Human beings being the complex self-centered creatures we are, there are pitfalls all around. The temptation to take power, the temptation to self righteousness about our own virtue, and the temptation to even take pride in humility all remind us what foolish beings we are. That is precisely why it is a foundation stone. Only when we accept our inabilities and throw ourselves utterly on the mercy of God and the grace of the Holy Spirit do we have any hope of real growth.

Mortification

The kingdom of God is at hand; repent, and believe in the gospel.

       Mark 1:15                                

As her second month of reflection. Elizabeth Leseur offers mortification. Really? Repent, yes, but mortification? I can't get excited about it.

She quotes Mark 1:15 to show that mortification is a requirement, but I think that leaps over a few fences.  The gospel is adamant that repentance is an absolute requirement. There is no question about that.  That does not equate to mortification, at least not directly. Repentance, penance, and mortification are three different things. Some definitions might help.

Repentance is the action of repenting; sincere regret or remorse, a change of heart. It is generally described as a turning away from sin and worldly values and turning your face (and heart and soul) to God. It is foundational. You can't give yourself over to God without it. So repent if you would call yourself a Christian.

Repenting brings consequences: restoration and reconciliation. If you steal and you repent, you still have to pay back what you stole. "I'm sorry" doesn't cut it. Hence the need for penance. Penance is
voluntary self-punishment inflicted as an outward expression of repentance for having done wrong. It may include dealing with those you've sinned against. Sometimes that person is God himself. Traditional forms are fasting. abstinence, and alms giving in recompense to God.

So far so good. That brings me to mortification. The very word sounds Victorian if not medieval and makes me shudder, thinking of hair shirts, flagellation, and other forms of artificially imposed pain. I'm not so sure Leseur had that sort of thing in mind at all, and when I dig more deeply I begin to have an to get a glimpse of why it might be important.

The word mortification comes from the Latin word for death and refers to the necessity of death to self in order to experience life in Christ. It is the practice of asceticism or penitential discipline designed to overcome desire for sin/worldliness and to strengthen the will.

What attracted me to Elizabeth Leseur in the first place is that she generally doesn't see the need to go to heroic, artificial, and sometimes egotistical lengths. In fact she gives the caveat: unless it is harmful to my health. The idea is to empty out self, to dominion of soul over mind and body. There are plenty of opportunities daily, she says to mortify yourself. Accepting the foibles, demands, and thoughtlessness of those around me without complaint is the biggest one. Disciplining my body's eating habits, my mind's erratic thoughts, and the kinds and amount of information and entertainment I consume offers me plenty of opportunity to die to self. Last but not least Leseur would add accepting illness and weakness, of which she suffered more than her share. In my case it is more a matter of accepting the indignities of an aging body than a sick one. She adds at the end of her list the importance of hospitality and making herself accessible to people.

I'm still not particularly at ease with this concept, but I have an inkling. Maybe when it cycles around again, I'll have a better handle on it. And maybe I ought to pray for help with it. 

                                      

One Bread, One Body

…each of you is saying, "I belong to Paul," or "I belong to Apollos," or "I belong to Cephas," or "I belong to Christ." Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you?

1 Corinthians 1:12-13

It was distressing to hear those words proclaimed during a weekend of unprecedented division and conflict. Not much has changed in the 2000 years since then.

Two of my least favorite words are liberal and conservative, which have become code words in the culture wars. It is one thing when they are applied to a specific idea and quite another when they are used to describe a person. They are pronounced by pundits and speakers as if they can sum up a human being's entire body of thought and belief with one word. So and so is a liberal. Conservatives hate women. Liberals want to ruin the country. Some people talk as if "conservative" means virtuous and "liberal" means depraved. Some people talk as though "conservative" means racist bully and "liberal" means reasonable broad minded person. They are even worse when they are preceded by a pejorative adjective or used as an adjective followed by a pejorative noun. ("Liberal asswipes" is my current least favorite but "conservative clown" is about as bad)

The words are used as handy packages of policy opinions, as if a person has to accept one set if ideas or the other. I never fit in either box. My father saw me as a screaming liberal, and it is likely many of my in-laws do too. My high-school and professional friends find me excessively conservative. I believe in free-trade and limited government, but I make exceptions and would happily see health care heavily regulated and pharmaceuticals subjected to price control. I believe strongly in a woman's right to the sanctity and control over her own body, her right to decide when where and how to have sex, to say no, and to have law enforcement take her seriously. All women, especially pregnant ones must have access to good health care. But I support the rights of the unborn and oppose abortion. I would defund Planned Parenthood as long as they perform them. 

I also oppose the death penalty,  support common sense gun control, believe a nation of immigrants has to continue to admit people fleeing oppression. I believe it is my duty to care for people in poverty and support policies that address entrenched poverty. I love my country and consider myself patriotic. Low life types who wrap their patriotism in xenophobia and racism tread on my rights as a citizen to express my love of country as I please.

These words infest church matters as well. We argue about how to arrange the furniture in the sanctuary. We attack each other over the tension between compassionate toward sinners and firm on definitions of sin.

So am I a liberal or a conservative? I hope I'm a Christian. I believe in Christ and Him crucified and try to live accordingly. There are some in my church who have so convinced themselves they must be one-issue voters that they have sold their souls to one particular political party and look the other way on all other issues. I don't.

I wonder if Paul was writing today, I wonder if he might write, …each of you is saying, "I'm a Republican," or "I'm a Democrat," or "I'm a Conservative," or "I'm a Liberal" and not "I belong to Christ." Is Christ divided? Was any politician crucified for you?

I think rather, Since there is one bread, we who are many are one body; for we all partake of the one bread. (I Corinthians 10:17)

We might try listening respectfully to start. We might read the gospel and try to live it out.

Silence

Silence is good for the soul, essential to recollection, and conducive to humility. Remember Our Lord's silence throughout His life and during the hours of His passion.

Elizabeth Leseur           

I discovered Leseur's writing only recently and was struck by the simplicity of her spirituality. She begins a series of "retreats," each with a resolution, with Silence. She has a resolution for each of twelve months. The beginning of a new year struck me as a good time to consider them one by one.

When I see the word silence, I tend to think of it in terms of shutting out noise. Turn off the TV. Shut out the news.  Retreat to a spot where there is no sound. Avoid social media. Get off the Internet. Quiet your insides. Those are all things to do. That isn't what she means.

Leseur writes about being silent. Her emphasis is on not talking, and particularly about not talking about herself. For years I've grappled with something that skirts the edges of her thought but misses the heart of it. I have tended to focus on listening, being attentive to God and learning how to do that by learning to be attentive to Greg first of all and all others as well. My mantra has been listen don't talk in prayer, in social life, and in business. It's my mantra because I'm not very good at it. My natural instinct is to blurt out every thought.

How is that different from what Leseur writes? I realized that by focusing on listening I'm in expectation of receiving something. While it can and should open me up to compassion and care, it is in the end an openness to receiving, not giving. Leseur sees keeping silences as a value in and of itself; it is part of her great emphasis on humility, the emptying out of self. That wasn't a value to me in my twenties. As I age I see the emptying as the absolute necessity of the spiritual life and I know it for the virtually impossible challenge it is. 

So. Silence. She talks at length about all of the things about which she won't speak: the petty, the mean, the material, but also her own interior life, her spirituality and blessings granted her. She leaves it all between her and God. She does write about it so perhaps I can be excused for keeping this journal.

Her final resolution is, I resolve to hide my spiritual life, and, to great extent my sufferings, interests, and material or personal occupations under a veil of silence.

Wow. Perhaps I can take baby steps in that direction.

Poverty of Spirit

Ten years of Franciscan education left me with the concept of poverty deep in my consciousness. It was, to great extent, exactly that, a concept.

"Blessed are the poor"
"Holy indifference"
"Live simply that others may simply live"

All those words have swirled around my spiritual and practical adult life. Now in my seventieth year I find myself returning to them again and again and wondering if I ever understood the idea at all.

In Light in the Darkness Elizabeth Leseur writes eloquently about silence, humility, and renunciation in ways I've never heard them before. Perhaps I wasn't listening. Perhaps as age takes its toll and losses mount, as they inevitably do in life, I understand them better. She even had me with "mortification," an old-fashioned word that would have made me cringe at twenty, but which begins to make sense in marriage or in any life with others when you look at the things life actually sends you.

It comes down, I suspect, to letting go. We can learn to let go of ego, of greed, of the need to win, to be right, to be powerful. We can do it without losing sight of our own great value as children of God. We empty ourselves out in order to be filled. The extent to which we can do that is the extent to which God can take over and do His work in our life and use us for the sake of those he sends our way.

Various writers and various saints have used different words to describe the same process. "The Little Way" of Therese of Lisieux is not that different than holy poverty. Maybe I'm beginning to have an inkling of what the great ones understood utterly. I hope so because the one thing I know for sure is, I have a long way to go and am unlikely to have too many years in which to do it.

I gave up trying to be a hero for God long ago, seeing it for the foolishness it was. Maybe it is time to let go of my life completely and let God have it. My dearest Franciscan mentor once wrote to me, "In your passion for truth and justice, don't neglect poverty and humility." I should have listened then.

Life

I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 14:6

Let me make on thing clear up front: abortion is the deliberate killing of innocent human life. It is an abomination. I make that statement as bald as I can because I am about to outline thoughts that may challenge many in the so-called pro-life movement.

I believe that, as heinous as abortion is, there are circumstances in which it is the least evil choice. Women who find themselves in desperate straits have sought to terminate pregnancy throughout history. In our own day the both sides of the issue talk about "cases of incest and rape," to describe particularly desperate cases of pregnancy, often at the expense of a woman's mental health. Both those cases involve coercion and forced unwanted pregnancy, a violation of a woman's right to the integrity of her own body up to the point of conception.

There are also cases in which a woman must choose between her own life and a child's. Choosing for the child, as Saint Gianna Molla did, is unquestionably heroic. However, what if she has other children who need her, children who don't have anyone else, the choice isn't as clear. To this list I would add, hunger, poverty, and the inability to care for the children a woman already has. The tough ethical question for each woman becomes, "When is abortion the least bad thing to do."

That desperation is not what the so-called pro-choice movement defends, however.  They wave the flag of abortion on demand, no questions asked. Abortion has become the first recommendation in cases of teen pregnancy, career demands, inconvenient pregnancy, and, God forbid, a baby that is less than perfect. The attitude is symptomatic of a corrupt culture whose driving sins are greed and self gratification, putting self above life-giving generosity.

As complex as the moral issues can be, politics has made the situation worse in the United States. One party has used "pro-life" as a whip to flog its base to turn out and vote. They have no vested interest in overturning Roe vs. Wade because it is entirely too useful politically. The other has used "pro-choice" as a threat to frighten women that other rights are at stake. They have no vested interest in focusing on prevention, women's health care that does not include abortion, or any other solution to underlying problems.

If either party truly put human life at the center, they would oppose the death penalty, support common sense gun control, work to get guns out of the hands of teenagers, and support universal health care, particularly for the elderly and children—as well as working to oppose legalized abortion. Better, they would  support laws that eliminated abortion on demand clinics, required both ultrasounds and consultation that includes referrals to organizations who can help women with their pregnancy, and other measures to eliminate the need for it.  Neither party does that. The Enemy laughs in victory either way.

As I write this we are in the midst of another election in the United States, this one uglier and more distasteful than any since perhaps 1968. Archbishop Chaput put it perfectly when he quoted a friend as saying our choice is between:

A vulgar, boorish lout and disrespecter of women, with a serious impulse control problem; or a scheming, robotic liar with a lifelong appetite for power and an entourage riddled with anti-Catholic bigots.

Our choice is an ugly one. We've been told by pro-life friends and family that they will vote for the disrespector of women because he has promised to appoint people to the Supreme Court who will rule on the pro-life side.  Here's what I think is wrong with that:

Assuming he is elected (and that is looking unlikely), and assuming he does what he says (and his past history argues that we ought not rely on any word that comes out of his mouth), and assuming the persons interpret the law as he assumes, what then?  The court might rule as we hope, at least on laws such as I described to slow down the rush to abortion. It is unlikely to over turn Roe vs. Wade in any case. Even if it did, that would merely push regulation back to the states. If all this happens without great conversion of heart across the country and without putting a widespread network of pregnancy support centers and adoption services in place, we might find the situation is as bad or worse than before the appointments.

Belief that the Supreme Court is the answer to a horrific moral problem is foolish at best. If such a belief allows pro-life people to wipe their hands of the problem and feel self-righteous it is downright sinful. Belief that criminalization will fix the problem is at best foolish, and at worse shows a lack of compassion and care for underlying problems. Punishment without compassion not only inadequate, it is a sin of omission.

The Supreme Court won't fix the problem; people of faith have to. What should we—or what's more to the point—what should I—do?

• Some evils can only be driven out by prayer and fasting. 40 Days for Life provides and opportunity to fast and pray for 40 days twice a year.
• Read and think about the underlying issues of women. Don't oversimplify the problem.
• Sidewalk witness at clinics and hospitals, if done with joy, compassion, and openness can be very effective.
• Speak up in secular situations such as university, school, or work.
• Adopt children or support people who do. It is a tough thing to do.
• Support pregnant women in need, financially or better, with our time and attention.
• Work to develop pregnancy support services.
• Watch our state legislature as well as the Congress. Lobby for laws supporting pregnant women or regulating abortion. Write letters, call, email—make your voice heard.
• Give witness to the joy of family in your own life.
• Think about the whole of life and the impact of being pro-life on the death penalty, health care, the policies of the pharmaceutical industry, refugee crises, war, and gun control to name a few.

 I'm please to note that I've done some of all those. I'm ashamed to say I haven't done enough. I remember that it is Jesus who changes hearts, and ask Him to use me as he sees fit. We can only be his hands and feet.

Advent

"...the people that sat in darkness have seen a great light."  

Matthew 4:16; Isaiah 9:2

Light again. An entire bloomin' season devoted to it.

Matthew said that the folks sat (past tense) in darkness. Isaiah, somewhat more dramatically said they were walking.  Matthew quoted Isaiah 750-800 years after the prophet wrote it.   Goodness.  Human longing for light, joy, peace never ends.  Among Advent's persistent themes longing will do as well as light.

This year I heard the same thing twice on the first Sunday, once in church and once in ready.  We celebrate two comings of Jesus. One is the one is 4-6 BC in Bethlehem. The other is the one at the end, the one trailing clouds of glory.   The pastor's question was this:  Does the second one fill us with fear or dread? Shouldn't we long for it, pray for it, ask for it?

The little Advent booklet we got at church had a question on day 1. When Jesus comes, what will you say to him?  I began cataloging a list from, "I couldn't help it" to "Oh now I get it." (You will note those are all about me.) My husband, always wise, said simply, "I love you."

Joy

Rejoicing comes in the morning...

Psalm 30:5

The sun shines bright this morning.  It filters through the two dozen trees in my back yard. It gives the little piles of fallen leaves a sparkle. Every morning has its own unique beauty.

I am well housed, well fed, well loved in a home my grandson moves comfortably in and out from his own home down the street.  Life is good. I should be bursting with joy -- and giving thanks.  And in some ways I am--really.  Thanks and praise come readily to my mouth. 

Joy has always been a struggle, though.  Contentment is tough.

I don't know why, but in my life (and in my writing) I seem to be more comfortable with angst and struggle than peace and joy. When things are this good a wee small voice deep inside is saying, "Are you sure? Better look more closely." Gloomy, grey mornings come and I think, "Ha! I knew it." Given a fabulous day with one bad moment I have to force myself not to focus on and pick over the bad moment.

I don't know where this came from. I've learned to work around it. (I once made a conscious decision to stop thinking of my life as a Greek Tragedy and being to see it as a situation comedy, but that is hard to remember.)  One thing I do know: it reflects a fundamental lack of trust on a spiritual level.

We're in God's hands. Let us give thanks and rejoice.

Darkness

For you Lord give light to my lamp; my God brightens my darkness.

Psalm 18:29

Some periods of life are murkier than others.  Having changed my life utterly and completely, there is an opportunity to rebuild it. God, as always, hasn't sent blueprints.  The potential for growth is enormous; the darkness, smothering at times.

Do I pray more? Seek religious community? Reduce the clutter of this world in my hours and mind?  Is there Good Work to do or study and prayer?  Justice to demand? Monastic schedule or spirit-led spontaneity?

One road marker is the fundamental vocation, in my case hearth and family. Nurture Greg. Create a center of peace and support for children, grandchildren, extended family. But when? how? what roles? what gifts?

The opportunities for black funk are many also. Family discord.  The burdens of those I love. Politics. Bigotry. Abortion. Violance. Wars and rumors of wars. Evil in the Church and out of it

Perhaps the greatest temptation is to believe salvation--even my own--is my job alone. The sure knowledge that I am powerless (on my own) in the face of all those things can crush me.  The good news is, I'm not on my own.

As someone once observed, "We play at being God but the almighty has a way of reminding us that the job is already filled."  Or,  as Catherine of Siena put it, "I am He Who is God; you are she who is not."

So what then? Prayer surely. Even retired I don't get the entire Divine Office in, but I can manage at least two legs and frequently three. In the middle of the day it lifts me up.  Yesterday various mishaps practically bullied me into saying the rosary while on the treadmill. I used to use drive time for it, but I don't do that anymore.  Rule of thumb: when down, pray. When confused, pray.

The psalmist tells us that it is the WORD that is the lamp unto our feet. Seek wisdom through the word.

Cardinal Newman wrote more prayers about darkness and confusion than anyone.  I need to remember his dictum:

If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about.

Give God space to act. Do not fill it with your own noise!

The Journey

God, carried you, as a man carries his own child, all along your journey...

Deuteronomy 1:31

And He still does.   We don't see where life is taking us. We have no idea what things God will send or what obstacles this world will put in the path. We can't see the bends in the road or what is around the corner.  We don't know the map of our own particular journey. We do know the ultimate destination whether it be near or far and we know one other thing:  God carries us.

Sleep

You withheld sleep from my eyes, I was troubled, I could not speak. I thought of days long ago.

Psalm 77

Bad night. It is tempting to claim I used it to ponder, as the psalmist suggests, the works for the Lord.   Alas no! 

I pondered this: Why is my tummy acting up now?  I was fine all day yesterday but at bedtime pain and, well, noise.  I was tempted to ask "Why now God?"

Greg slept, I wandered the house.  Night office done, I sought refuge in OTC meds, tea, a sip of Drambui--to no avail--not additional prayer.  An hour or more with a favorite author later I slipped into bed with a more minor tummy ache and finally, blessedly, sleep.

This morning praise and joy in the office, fog and sleepiness everywhere else.  Now I ponder, "Lord how can I work if I don't sleep?"  I've learned to ask for help for worse so I ask, "Help me get a grip on my digestive challenges and get a good night's sleep."

Actually, one night in seven isn't bad. This used to be nightly.  So praise Him for what you get, thank him for the things that humble, and do the best you can with what you get.

Work

First of all, every time you begin a good work, you must pray to Him most earnestly to bring it to perfection.  

Rule of Saint Benedict  

The psalmist says Unless the Lord build the house, they who build it labor in vain. (Psalm 127).  The house, the family that lives in it, the neighborhood, the city--without God's work the result is vanity.

Whether I'm picking up a paintbrush, sweeping the kitchen, or trying to pen a great novel, none of it has meaning if it isn't God's work.   Benedict put his finger on the problem.  The trick is to remember to pray first.   Starting the day with a general scattergun prayer, "Bless the works of our hands," is good but specific prayer for specific work is better.   

At the moment we're attempting to make a new house into a home.  Even more important, we want to create a place of comfort and joy for our grandson down the street.  If ever there was work that required God's hand, it is this.

I Believe

Between the time I started my meditations on the creed and the time I finished, the Church introduced a new translation of the Roman Missal.  Instead of "We believe..." the creed as it is proclaimed at Mass now says "I believe...."

The amount of consternation that caused was stunning.

The super conservatives seem to think that the 1970s translation was part of a plot on the part of "progressives" to weaken the church. Ha! Take that progressives. We've gone back to the real creed.

The super liberal folks seem to think that the new translation was part of a plot on the part of traditionalists to drag us back to the Council of Trent and overturn Vatican II. (Either that or a plot on the part of the hierarchy to distract us from the pedophile scandals.) Oh woe!

It isn't clear to me whether the Greek text as proclaimed at the Councils of Nicaea and Constantinople used the plural or singular form.  The Roman Missal, however, the liturgical version, has always used Credo or "I believe..." as the form for each of us standing up at Mass and proclaiming our own belief.

The conflict is a shame and a pity. What matters is that I believe it.  

Life

We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come.  Amen.

Nicene Constantinople Creed

Aging is an interesting process.  Most of it involves letting go, letting go until things boil down to their essence.   What things do I keep? What objects to I actually need? What matters enough to spend my time on it?   When you peel away layers you come to "What is life" or "Is there life after death?" 

The great good news of Christianity is, yes, there is life after death. Jesus came and took on humanity which is to say He accepted death and in doing so destroyed it.   Paul called him the "first fruits of those who are asleep," (1Corinthians 15:20).  He's the first fruits, we're the harvest.

My grandson is Jewish. At his bris (aka ritual circumcision) the mohel asked about the Covenant.  "What do we promise?" We promise to obey His law. I anticipated that answer, but the next one was, "What does He promise in return?"  No easy response occurred to me. His other grandmother had no hesitation.  "Life."  God promises life.

Perhaps the whole long history of Judeao-Christianity, indeed, perhaps all religion, boils down to the search for life.  We find it in God, only in Him.

Baptism

We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.  

Nicene-Constantinople Creed

What's with acknowledge?  The rest of the creed has been believe, believe, believe. Now we have acknowledge.  The new Roman missal actually translates it as confess.   Google translate uses confess.

The Oxford English Dictionary presents some definitions for both.   It translates confess as 
-To acknowledge, own, or admit.
-To acknowledge, concede, grant or admit for oneself an assertion [as true]

To confess is to acknowledge.   The definitions for acknowledge shed a little more light.  To acknowledge is:

-To recognize something to be what it is specified to be.

-To accept the authority, validity, or legitimacy of [something].

-To accept the truth of something.

It also can be defined as a legal term with which someone signs on to accept the truth of a proposition.

All those apply.   It seems that acknowledge (or confess) implies use of the mind. Belief does not require that we understand things.  Acknowledge implies active acceptance that there is one and only one baptism.  In our time it may be practiced by many denominations, but we acknowledge it as the same baptism.  Baptism is one of the sacraments that does not require the action of an ordained priest and could therefore be handed forward from the apostles in an unbroken line from Christian to Christian.  This is in sharp contrast to priestly ordination which we believe could only be handed on from ordained bishop to priest in an unbroken line to the ordination of the apostles.

Baptism forgives sins. Of course it does.  In the early church baptism, an adult-only   sacrament, was frequently postponed, at least in part, for that reason. Constantine is only one prominent example of someone who put it off until his deathbed.  While the forgiveness of sin (and the fact that Jesus vested the right to forgive with the Church) existed from earliest times, the primitive church did not practice the Sacrament of Reconciliation as we know it. Forgiveness of sins in manner distinct from Baptism boiled up as an issue in years after persecutions in response to the question, "Can those previously baptized persons who denied the faith to save their skins be forgiven?" Those who answered no were found ultimately to be heretics.   Eventually the problem of sins after Baptism had to be resolved, but there was never any doubt that in Baptism itself there is a clean slate, the forgiveness of sin in all its forms.

Church

We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.

Nicene-Constantinople Creed.

This one is a mouthful. We believe in the Church, but what do we believe about it?  

 It is the People of God first and foremost--the people! 

It is also the Body of Christ.  That is enough to keep us up late pondering.  We, the Church are the Body of Christ, hands and feet, ears and voice, heart and mind.

It is the Temple of the Holy Spirit.   The place we find the Holy Spirit. The place we encounter God. Except, the Church isn't a place.  Up until 70AD even Christians went up to the Second Temple in Jerusalem, where the God's people had been taught they would encounter Him.  Christians were gradually understanding the People of God somewhat differently and after Titus razed the whole thing, the concept of an invisible temple, with the Holy Spirit as its life and the force behind all its saving actions began to flower.

But what about one holy catholic and apostolic?  We believe the Church has all four attributes.

The Church is one because of her source / her founder. (Catechism of the Catholic Church 813).  Jesus prayed to his father: "...that they [meaning the Church] may be one just as We are."     John 17:11   Luckily unity doesn't preclude some diversity because we have plenty of that.

The Church is holy because because of (and to the extent of) her unity with Christ.  That doesn't in any way overlook the chronic sinfulness of individuals and the earthy institutions they create in His name.   The Church as Christ created it, the mystical Body of Christ is holy.  Some of its members, not so much.  We'd be fools to try to pretend otherwise.

The Church is catholic because it is universal. That's what the word means, universal. Where there is Christ, there is the Church (Catechism 830).  His love is universal.  The Church isn't European. It certainly isn't American. He was Jewish, but the Church isn't Jewish.  It is universal and we do well to stay aware that we don't confuse cultural biases with the fundamentals of the Church.

The Church is apostolic because it was founded on the apostles--not by them, on them. The eyewitness generation was the foundation. With the direction of the Holy Spirit she holds fast the the faith handed down by the foundation. (Catechism 857).

The Church we believe in, in short, transcends the Church we see, the one we read about in the news, the one whose history we both love and question.  It is more than the pastor's sermons, the church lady's whispers after mass, the demands of charity, parish gossip, diocesan financial problems, bishops' letters, papal encyclicals, architecture both bad (1970's churchs--shudder) and stunning, magnificent art or tacky images, great schools and small ones, mission appeals, Knights of Columbus, and retreat houses.  It is certainly more than the ugly headlines we've endured in recent years. It is none of those things and yet it is all of them, bound up in Christ's redemptive work.

Postscript
Paul, as usual, nails it. Ephesians 2:19-22:

[we are] members of the household of God, built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the capstone. Through him the whole structure is held together and grows into a temple sacred in the Lord; in him you also are being built together into a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.202122

Prophets

He has spoken through the prophets.

The Nicene-Constantinople Creed

Hear the word of the Lord...listen to the instruction of our God.

Isaiah 1:10

Pop "the word of the Lord" into any of the Bible search engines now ubiquitous on the Internet and you will get pages and pages of references from Genesis 15:, "the word of the Lord came to Abram, to 1Peter 1:25, "the word of the Lord remains forever and this is the word that has been proclaimed to you...." Those two references alone represent a two thousand year stretch.

The prophets were not fortune tellers. They didn't divine the future or act as seers.  The prophets heard God speak and were compelled to proclaim the word of God to His people.  The content of the message was always the will of God, what He expected people to do, how He expected them to live their lives.  It still is.  John L. McKenzie SJ calls that word The Two Edged Sword.

The remarkable thing is God speaks to ordinary people.  Gideon plowing his field, Amos tending his sheep, Peter fishing--even Moses tending sheep--heard God speak directly to them.  His voice wasn't always that of the great and powerful. Isaiah heard it in the night and Elijah heard a still small voice.  I suspect we all could hear it if we would but listen.The 

Creed is clear on one thing, when God speaks it is the Holy Spirit that does the speaking.

Spirit

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son.  With the Father and the Son he is worshipped and glorified.  

Nicene-Constantinople Creed

Spirit as concept: easy. Spirit as person: hard.

An earlier post described the Holy Spirit as the loving part of the three persons that are the one God.  We have Lover, Beloved and the Love that passes between them, the act of loving, that is the Holy Spirit.  Loving personified. 

It is the Holy Spirit that permeates our entire spiritual life.  The Spirit leads us to prayer and teaches us how.  The gifts of the spirit enable us to live out the life that comes to us in Christ.  Wisdom, understanding, counsel (right judgement), fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord--each one is required before we can begin to grow in virtue and exercise the life of Christ in us.  Each one is given at baptism.  Our problem is remembering they are there and exercise them. 

How do we know if we are living that life, using those gifts?  The gifts enable us to bear fruit. When the fruits of the spirit shine out in our lives, we know that His gifts are being used to good purpose.  Galatians 5:22-23 tells us "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control..."
So we put our entire being in the hands of Loving Personified and hope to bear fruit for the well-being of the kingdom and the glory of God.

One side note. Some people think the Holy Spirit is the perfect expression of the sacred feminine.  One hopes She agrees.

Kingdom

...and his kingdom will have no end.

Nicene-Constantinople Creed

This phrase seems to imply that the kingdom is already here.  The Kingdom of God is at hand.  "At hand" could mean coming any moment but it could also mean we can reach out and touch it. It is right under our noses.

Sometimes when I used to walk in downtown Columbus near the state capital I would think about working in the City of Man but living in the City of God.  The two coexist in space but, while the City of Man exists only in time, and that fleeting,  the City of God exists out of time and for all time.

The kingdom will have no end.

Judge

He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, 

Nicene-Constantinople Creed

Whoa. Trailing clouds of glory. Christians have been waiting for that one for over 2000 years, and yet the first time He came, He was poor, humble and hidden.

It should be no small relief to any of us that when the time comes for our life to be weighed, the one sitting there will be the God of mercy and his son who loved us so much he became one of us.