Darkness

For you Lord give light to my lamp; my God brightens my darkness.
Psalm 18:29

Some periods of life are murkier than others.  Having changed my life utterly and completely, there is an opportunity to rebuild it. God, as always, hasn't sent blueprints.  The potential for growth is enormous; the darkness, smothering at times.

Do I pray more? Seek religious community? Reduce the clutter of this world in my hours and mind?  Is there Good Work to do or study and prayer?  Justice to demand? Monastic schedule or spirit-led spontaneity?

One road marker is the fundamental vocation, in my case hearth and family. Nurture Greg. Create a center of peace and support for children, grandchildren, extended family. But when? how? what roles? what gifts?

The opportunities for black funk are many also. Family discord.  The burdens of those I love. Politics. Bigotry. Abortion. Violance. Wars and rumors of wars. Evil in the Church and out of it

Perhaps the greatest temptation is to believe salvation--even my own--is my job alone. The sure knowledge that I am powerless (on my own) in the face of all those things can crush me.  The good news is, I'm not on my own.

As someone once observed, "We play at being God but the almighty has a way of reminding us that the job is already filled."  Or,  as Catherine of Siena put it, "I am He Who is God; you are she who is not."

So what then? Prayer surely. Even retired I don't get the entire Divine Office in, but I can manage at least two legs and frequently three. In the middle of the day it lifts me up.  Yesterday various mishaps practically bullied me into saying the rosary while on the treadmill. I used to use drive time for it, but I don't do that anymore.  Rule of thumb: when down, pray. When confused, pray.

The psalmist tells us that it is the WORD that is the lamp unto our feet. Seek wisdom through the word.

Cardinal Newman wrote more prayers about darkness and confusion than anyone.  I need to remember his dictum:

 If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about.

Give God space to act. Do not fill it with your own noise!

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