Darkness

For you Lord give light to my lamp; my God brightens my darkness.
Psalm 18:29

Some periods of life are murkier than others.  Having changed my life utterly and completely, there is an opportunity to rebuild it. God, as always, hasn't sent blueprints.  The potential for growth is enormous; the darkness, smothering at times.

Do I pray more? Seek religious community? Reduce the clutter of this world in my hours and mind?  Is there Good Work to do or study and prayer?  Justice to demand? Monastic schedule or spirit-led spontaneity?

One road marker is the fundamental vocation, in my case hearth and family. Nurture Greg. Create a center of peace and support for children, grandchildren, extended family. But when? how? what roles? what gifts?

The opportunities for black funk are many also. Family discord.  The burdens of those I love. Politics. Bigotry. Abortion. Violance. Wars and rumors of wars. Evil in the Church and out of it

Perhaps the greatest temptation is to believe salvation--even my own--is my job alone. The sure knowledge that I am powerless (on my own) in the face of all those things can crush me.  The good news is, I'm not on my own.

As someone once observed, "We play at being God but the almighty has a way of reminding us that the job is already filled."  Or,  as Catherine of Siena put it, "I am He Who is God; you are she who is not."

So what then? Prayer surely. Even retired I don't get the entire Divine Office in, but I can manage at least two legs and frequently three. In the middle of the day it lifts me up.  Yesterday various mishaps practically bullied me into saying the rosary while on the treadmill. I used to use drive time for it, but I don't do that anymore.  Rule of thumb: when down, pray. When confused, pray.

The psalmist tells us that it is the WORD that is the lamp unto our feet. Seek wisdom through the word.

Cardinal Newman wrote more prayers about darkness and confusion than anyone.  I need to remember his dictum:

 If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about.

Give God space to act. Do not fill it with your own noise!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Death and Aging

Jesus, who destroyed death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel... 2 Timothy 1:10 I look at the skin on my hands and it is withering, like the leaves that are turning brown, curling up and falling to the ground. Death is heavy with me this Autumn. Is it delayed reaction to my father's death last winter? He took with him the last buffer between me and the next world. Is it the whisper of the Holy Spirit? He whispers, "Life is temporary, let go of attachment to it." My natural reaction is rage. We are called to be more than that. Only in Jesus is there strength in the face of bodily death.
Read more

Winter

And perhaps I shall stay or even spend the winter with you, so that you may send me on my way wherever I may go . 1 Corinthians 16:6 Sometimes you have to begin again. Late winter, just before Lent is one of those times. My journey never stopped but this blog dropped by the wayside along the way. This seems like a good time to pick it up again. This time I hope to reflect on two topics: 1) what I believe and 2) marriage. What do I believe? I'm a Nicene Christian--and  Roman Catholic.  I still struggle with discerning God's will for my future, but less than before. It isn't really necessary to see the entire road map, only to continue the journey, "wherever I may go" and to trust that he is leading one step at a time. His word is a lamp to my path.
Read more

Died

For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered, died, and was buried.    Nicene-Constantinople Creed Why did Jesus have to die? Because he was a human being. To be born is to die; we start dying the day we're born. Every woman who gives birth gives birth to a child who will come to natural death eventually--or, God forbid, premature death.  The big thing was the Incarnation. Everything else flows from that. Did God want His son to die? You hear that question, but I think it is absurd.  It sounds as if they sat around in heavan planning it out, "and then--crucifixion."  No, I don't think so. The decision was to be fully human. The will of the Father was "don't interfere." Don't interfere with their free will; don't interfere with nature; live it out to the very end. He took on our life and He took on our death. Why crucifixion? Was that of His own choosing? Look to mankind for that. Men invented that and myriad ...
Read more