Joy

Rejoicing comes in the morning...
Psalm 30:5

The sun shines bright this morning.  It filters through the two dozen trees in my back yard. It gives the little piles of fallen leaves a sparkle. Every morning has its own unique beauty.

I am well housed, well fed, well loved in a home my grandson moves comfortably in and out from his own home down the street.  Life is good. I should be bursting with joy -- and giving thanks.  And in some ways I am--really.  Thanks and praise come readily to my mouth. 

Joy has always been a struggle, though.  Contentment is tough.

I don't know why, but in my life (and in my writing) I seem to be more comfortable with angst and struggle than peace and joy. When things are this good a wee small voice deep inside is saying, "Are you sure? Better look more closely." Gloomy, grey mornings come and I think, "Ha! I knew it." Given a fabulous day with one bad moment I have to force myself not to focus on and pick over the bad moment.

I don't know where this came from. I've learned to work around it. (I once made a conscious decision to stop thinking of my life as a Greek Tragedy and being to see it as a situation comedy, but that is hard to remember.)  One thing I do know: it reflects a fundamental lack of trust on a spiritual level.

We're in God's hands. Let us give thanks and rejoice.

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