Per Ipsum

For you Lord give light to my lamp; my God brightens my darkness. Psalm 18:29 Some periods of life are murkier than others.  Having changed my life utterly and completely, there is an opportunity to rebuild it. God, as always, hasn't sent blueprints.  The potential for growth is enormous; the darkness, smothering at times. Do I pray more? Seek religious community? Reduce the clutter of this world in my hours and mind?  Is there Good Work to do or study and prayer?  Justice to demand? Monastic schedule or spirit-led spontaneity? One road marker is the fundamental vocation, in my case hearth and family. Nurture Greg. Create a center of peace and support for children, grandchildren, extended family. But when? how? what roles? what gifts? The opportunities for black funk are many also. Family discord.  The burdens of those I love. Politics. Bigotry. Abortion. Violance. Wars and rumors of wars. Evil in the Church and out of it Perhaps...

God, carried you, as a man carries his own child, all along your journey... Deuteronomy 1:31 And He still does.   We don't see where life is taking us. We have no idea what things God will send or what obstacles this world will put in the path. We can't see the bends in the road or what is around the corner.  We don't know the map of our own particular journey. We do know the ultimate destination whether it be near or far and we know one other thing:  God carries us.

You withheld sleep from my eyes, I was troubled, I could not speak. I thought of days long ago. Psalm 77 Bad night. It is tempting to claim I used it to ponder, as the psalmist suggests, the works for the Lord.   Alas no!  I pondered this: Why is my tummy acting up now?   I was fine all day yesterday but at bedtime pain and, well, noise.  I was tempted to ask "Why now God?" Greg slept, I wandered the house.  Night office done, I sought refuge in OTC meds, tea, a sip of Drambui--to no avail--not additional prayer.  An hour or more with a favorite author later I slipped into bed with a more minor tummy ache and finally, blessedly, sleep. This morning praise and joy in the office, fog and sleepiness everywhere else.  Now I ponder, "Lord how can I work if I don't sleep?"  I've learned to ask for help for worse so I ask, "Help me get a grip on my digestive challenges and get a good night's sleep." Actually, one night in seven is...