Balaam's Ass

Then the Lord removed the veil from Balaam's eyes and he too saw the angel of the Lord standing on the road with sword drawn..." Numbers 22:31

We claim to seek God's will, but then immediately begin to pick and choose which of His messages we wish to hear. Some messengers are so obvious that even an ass can see them--but we don't see what we don't want to see.

Today I was determined to do [what I decided was] the right and responsible thing even if it meant disrupting my brother's family, and my staff. In the end, however, what was wanted was for me to let go of work which didn't need me anyway, take care of my Dad, and relax. It never occurs to me that the Lord's will for me might be rest, joy, peace. I look only for work.

Today I got sunshine, a good book, a nap, and time to reflect.

Having accepted that I can quit the position that has obsorbed so much of my soul for eight years, I now want to puff up my importance by filling my remaining days with events to demonstrate how indispensible I actually am. I can't leave for two months, but I can begin now to put other things first, and, in humility, let others take control at work.

Now

"...to do that [surrender to God's will] is to live in the present. You know God in the midst of your family and his continuous providence for it; you are at peace within yourself in the fullest sense because you are content to do the work of the present moment and let God provide for the future." Gerald Vann OP

In this is the will of God for me--whatever today's "This" is.

Habemus Papam

"There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way" CS Lewis

The Church prays for the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and then squabbles about the results. One man's long-wished for saint is another man's disaster.

In the eleventh century alone we survived influence peddling, anti-popes, intrigues in which the papacy was bought, sold, and left beholding to various factions. We also got reformers, two saints and a zealot who launched the crusades.

The Holy Spirit undoubtedly attends the conclave but He is not insurance that the resulting candidate will be perfect, or saintly, or easy to live with. He guides the Church no matter what. He is there to take care of the rest of us regardless of the results. If each of us would just listen, we would be better off.

Making a start

Everything has a beginning. Even in midlife we have beginnings. This is one of them; I've come to a place at which I need to explore the themes I've been given:

Silence
Submission
Breath

and the arenas in which they play out, work and family.